This statement caught my attention and expressed my thoughts very succinctly:

Someone who drowns in 7 feet of water is just as dead as someone who drowns in 20 feet of water. Stop comparing traumas, stop belittling your or anyone else’s trauma because it wasn’t “as bad” as someone else’s. This isn’t a competition, we all deserve support and recovery.”
~Casey Rose

I certainly resonated with this. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard people express their pain but then end with, “But it could be worse” or “It’s not as bad as other people, so I can’t complain”.

Stop. 

Just because the pain is not as bad as it could be doesn’t negate the fact that there is still pain. When infected, a paper cut can hurt just as badly as major wound.

Too often, we become the walking wounded as we try to stuff our pain and trauma down and function normally, all the while everything within us is telling us that our life is on fire. Or we brush off someone else’s reactions because it’s not a big deal to us, not knowing someone else’s past history with a triggering incident. We never know when something will be the “straw that breaks the camel’s back,” as it were.

I was discussing this with some colleagues and one question that came up was how do we navigate through this, personally and professionally? Good question, and here are a few suggestions:

• Awareness. Sometimes we need a reminder that our perception is not the only one. If someone close to you or that you work with has a response that takes you by surprise, take a step back, understand that people deal with things differently, and meet them where they are. If you find yourself dismissing your own reactions, pause for a moment and reflect before trying to stuff it away from a healing process.
• Communication. Never assume that you understand because you’ve gone through the same things. People are quite different, and deal with things in different ways. Ask questions, and more importantly, listen actively. Ask follow up questions if needed, and let them know that they are heard. For yourself, make sure you have a trusted friend with whom you can be gut-level honest. You can’t heal what you don’t uncover.
• Compassion. This actually builds on the last step: show compassion in a way that is needed. Just because a pint of ice cream and silly movies are your form of recovery, that doesn’t mean it works for others. Platitudes are all well and good, but if you have invested in the communication step, you may find that even something simple you would have never thought of was the very thing that helped a person through a situation. A friend of mine who found out he had cancer simply wanted to receive random texts of outrageous or funny things that we encountered. Aye, I can do that! Also, show yourself compassion; we often give more grace to the people around us than we do to ourselves. If you are hurting, take the time to help yourself heal.
• Collaborate. This is more for professional settings. Sometimes, we find ourselves dealing with employees who are dealing with a trauma, and it is important to recognize that a one size fits all approach does not work. This is where the communication and compassion comes into play. Find out what is needed and talk about if and how to accommodate people within the context of the business. Do they just need some time off? Do they need to take extended leave? Do they need to change their availability for a time? Having the conversation and giving a few options can help incredibly in a time of stress. And just because one employee took one of those options last year, doesn’t mean the same thing will apply for a different employee. 

There are other actions, but this is a good start. Trauma isn’t just one big monolith, and we don’t all react to it the same way. Let’s all walk in understanding and patience with one another.